Blessed. Lucky. Thankful.

I'm watching the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy and I'm once again reminded of how blessed and lucky we are to have a healthy baby that was able to come right home from the hospital with us. I've had friends lose babies right before their birth, friends lose babies during birth, and friends lose babies after their birth. Friends' babies have had to stay in the NICU for weeks and months, friends' babies have been born months early but pulled through, friends' babies have ongoing medical problems that may or may not go away.

I have friends that can't get pregnant. Friends that get pregnant and lose the baby. I've been in both situations and both are devastating in different ways. I didn't know if I could get pregnant because nothing happened after years and years. But then I got pregnant, and like a sick joke, I lost the baby after knowing for only a week. It took me a long time to recover from that; in fact, I still think of how old he or she would be right now and how Sydney would have a big brother or sister.

One year and four months after the miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant again. Just months before starting fertility treatments. And I was terrified. Once you have a miscarriage, the whole 'innocence of pregnancy' is gone. You know a very bad thing can happen and while half of you refuses to believe it will happen again, the other half of you expects it to happen at any moment. You can't fully enjoy being pregnant because you are prepping yourself for the worst. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my pregnancy; in fact, I loved being pregnant. But for at least the first 6 months, some little part of me was always afraid of losing the baby.

Women who have babies with barely any effort are lucky. Women who never experience the pain of a miscarriage are lucky. Women who get pregnant - whether naturally or with help - are lucky. Those pregnancies are all amazing miracles no matter what.

A whole new set of worries are presented after the baby is born. Forget the whole "I didn't have the birth I wanted" crap that I was sad about before. We are so blessed that Sydney is healthy. That she's thriving. That neither of us have had any complications or issues. I know we are blessed and I thank God for her. Every. Single. Day. And yes, as dumb as it sounds, a show like Grey's Anatomy once again reminded me of all of this.