I'm watching the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy and I'm once again reminded of how blessed and lucky we are to have a healthy baby that was able to come right home from the hospital with us. I've had friends lose babies right before their birth, friends lose babies during birth, and friends lose babies after their birth. Friends' babies have had to stay in the NICU for weeks and months, friends' babies have been born months early but pulled through, friends' babies have ongoing medical problems that may or may not go away.
I have friends that can't get pregnant. Friends that get pregnant and lose the baby. I've been in both situations and both are devastating in different ways. I didn't know if I could get pregnant because nothing happened after years and years. But then I got pregnant, and like a sick joke, I lost the baby after knowing for only a week. It took me a long time to recover from that; in fact, I still think of how old he or she would be right now and how Sydney would have a big brother or sister.
One year and four months after the miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant again. Just months before starting fertility treatments. And I was terrified. Once you have a miscarriage, the whole 'innocence of pregnancy' is gone. You know a very bad thing can happen and while half of you refuses to believe it will happen again, the other half of you expects it to happen at any moment. You can't fully enjoy being pregnant because you are prepping yourself for the worst. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my pregnancy; in fact, I loved being pregnant. But for at least the first 6 months, some little part of me was always afraid of losing the baby.
Women who have babies with barely any effort are lucky. Women who never experience the pain of a miscarriage are lucky. Women who get pregnant - whether naturally or with help - are lucky. Those pregnancies are all amazing miracles no matter what.
A whole new set of worries are presented after the baby is born. Forget the whole "I didn't have the birth I wanted" crap that I was sad about before. We are so blessed that Sydney is healthy. That she's thriving. That neither of us have had any complications or issues. I know we are blessed and I thank God for her. Every. Single. Day. And yes, as dumb as it sounds, a show like Grey's Anatomy once again reminded me of all of this.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sydney's blog
I started a blog just for Sydney, one that is to her and about her. Blogger has a great mobile app so I can make small updates every day and not have to find the time to log into the computer and update this blog once every week or three. ;)
If you want to read her blog (my parents may be the only ones who are interested), you can find it here.
If you want to read her blog (my parents may be the only ones who are interested), you can find it here.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Six weeks!
For some reason, six weeks feels like a milestone. Maybe it's because a friend told James that the first six weeks are really tough but it's easier after that. Well, the first six weeks were no walk in the park, but I can honestly say that it was a little easier than we both expected. Don't get me wrong, because of the surgery recovery & post-partum hormones, the first week at home alone (which was week two) was realllly tough, but we managed to get through it just fine.
I think I'm going to need to update a little more often than every three weeks because my brain cannot remember everything for such a long period of time. It would make sense to note things as they happen, so I'll work on that this week. I also need to start updating her baby book so it's not a daunting task that I'll never finish.
Week Four:
My parents visited from PA for a long weekend. I always look forward to their visits and this was no exception. Seeing my parents hold my daughter is so amazing; I don't know how to completely explain the feelings. I noticed that Sydney had a thick white coating on her tongue so I made a ped appointment for her. My suspicion was confirmed when she was diagnosed with a mild case of thrush. The doctor gave her an RX for an oral medicine and I did a lot of research to see what I could do to help treat myself and prevent it from coming back. Despite my best efforts and diligence, I had to go to my doctor to be treated and get another RX for her diaper rash. The good news is we both have/had a mild case (we're in the clear now but still on the medicines) and are doing great.
I really need to switch our pediatrician which makes me kind of sad. I really like the doctors in the practice and their receptionist is one of the kindest women I've ever met. However, they don't have a separate waiting room for sick kids and it drives me crazy. When we visited for the thrush visit (for those of you who don't know, it's a yeast infection in the baby's mouth and only contagious if some other kid sucked on her pacifier or something), there were three super sick kids in there. All of them had hacking coughs, and I overheard the mom tell the receptionist that her two had fevers. Another one was coughing and crying in an exam room. I asked to be moved into another room since Sydney wasn't even five weeks old. A friend recommended his daughter's pediatrician so I need to make that call this week.
James surprised me with a gorgeous aquamarine and white gold eternity band. I knew that he was buying me some sort of ring since he asked my ring size, but I had no idea what he picked out. It turns out that he selected the very ring that I had admired on Blue Nile's site when I was looking for aquamarine earrings. It's delicate and beautiful and perfect. I love it.
Week Five:
Week five was one of the best yet. Sydney really started cooing and making lots of new sounds. She smiles at the toys on her activity mat and on her car seat, makes noises at the lights and turtles on her swing, and waves her arms and kicks her legs A LOT more. She really starts flailing her arms and legs when she's mad and kicks like crazy when she's on her mat. She has been having a lot more awake time during the day but sleeping great at night. We had a house full of guests yesterday when James' parents and four of his aunts came to visit. His aunts showered Sydney with some of the cutest baby clothes (including two insanely adorable party dresses!) and we had a really nice time. J and I were both exhausted by the end of the day, and apparently, so was Sydney. She conked out at 7:30 and didn't wake up again until almost 1am. :)
I always wanted a tattoo to honor/commemorate/whatever the birth of my child, so I went for it this week. I originally wanted her birth date but ended up with a small fancy S on my inner right wrist. I'll post a picture of it once it has totally healed.
Week Six:
I guess this is officially the start of Week Six, right? It was a gorgeous spring day outside, so Sydney and I took a short walk around the neighborhood to get some fresh air. While Sydney napped and nursed, I read a book called Two Kisses for Maddy, which is one of the most devastating and inspiring books I've ever read. It makes me want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. It shows that life is fragile and we never know what the next moment will hold. It makes me appreciate my husband and daughter more than ever. You should read it.
I think I'm going to need to update a little more often than every three weeks because my brain cannot remember everything for such a long period of time. It would make sense to note things as they happen, so I'll work on that this week. I also need to start updating her baby book so it's not a daunting task that I'll never finish.
Week Four:
My parents visited from PA for a long weekend. I always look forward to their visits and this was no exception. Seeing my parents hold my daughter is so amazing; I don't know how to completely explain the feelings. I noticed that Sydney had a thick white coating on her tongue so I made a ped appointment for her. My suspicion was confirmed when she was diagnosed with a mild case of thrush. The doctor gave her an RX for an oral medicine and I did a lot of research to see what I could do to help treat myself and prevent it from coming back. Despite my best efforts and diligence, I had to go to my doctor to be treated and get another RX for her diaper rash. The good news is we both have/had a mild case (we're in the clear now but still on the medicines) and are doing great.
I really need to switch our pediatrician which makes me kind of sad. I really like the doctors in the practice and their receptionist is one of the kindest women I've ever met. However, they don't have a separate waiting room for sick kids and it drives me crazy. When we visited for the thrush visit (for those of you who don't know, it's a yeast infection in the baby's mouth and only contagious if some other kid sucked on her pacifier or something), there were three super sick kids in there. All of them had hacking coughs, and I overheard the mom tell the receptionist that her two had fevers. Another one was coughing and crying in an exam room. I asked to be moved into another room since Sydney wasn't even five weeks old. A friend recommended his daughter's pediatrician so I need to make that call this week.
James surprised me with a gorgeous aquamarine and white gold eternity band. I knew that he was buying me some sort of ring since he asked my ring size, but I had no idea what he picked out. It turns out that he selected the very ring that I had admired on Blue Nile's site when I was looking for aquamarine earrings. It's delicate and beautiful and perfect. I love it.
Week Five:
Week five was one of the best yet. Sydney really started cooing and making lots of new sounds. She smiles at the toys on her activity mat and on her car seat, makes noises at the lights and turtles on her swing, and waves her arms and kicks her legs A LOT more. She really starts flailing her arms and legs when she's mad and kicks like crazy when she's on her mat. She has been having a lot more awake time during the day but sleeping great at night. We had a house full of guests yesterday when James' parents and four of his aunts came to visit. His aunts showered Sydney with some of the cutest baby clothes (including two insanely adorable party dresses!) and we had a really nice time. J and I were both exhausted by the end of the day, and apparently, so was Sydney. She conked out at 7:30 and didn't wake up again until almost 1am. :)
I always wanted a tattoo to honor/commemorate/whatever the birth of my child, so I went for it this week. I originally wanted her birth date but ended up with a small fancy S on my inner right wrist. I'll post a picture of it once it has totally healed.
Week Six:
I guess this is officially the start of Week Six, right? It was a gorgeous spring day outside, so Sydney and I took a short walk around the neighborhood to get some fresh air. While Sydney napped and nursed, I read a book called Two Kisses for Maddy, which is one of the most devastating and inspiring books I've ever read. It makes me want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. It shows that life is fragile and we never know what the next moment will hold. It makes me appreciate my husband and daughter more than ever. You should read it.
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