Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Bad day...thwarted!!

This morning could have been really, really bad. I usually have no problems parking in my office building's garage. But today, I managed to wedge my car into the tightest parking space known to man. (to be perfectly honest, the space wasn't small, but the angle sucked. but I *did* manage to wedge my car in the space). I'm not exaggerating when I say that there was maybe one inch between the right side of my car and the garage wall. If I would have backed out, my mirror would have been torn off. I tried a few small maneuvers but I'm pretty sure I only made it worse. I knew I was stuck and didn't have the skills to get my car out of there without damaging it, so I went to the experts.

One of the garage attendants came out to help me and when he saw my predicament, he exclaimed, "Oh my goodness!" in his cute little old man way. I had my head in my hands as he started backing it out, just waiting to hear metal meet concrete. But wouldn't you know it, he backed that Subaru out with no problem or hesitation.

When he got out, I gave him a HUGE hug. I need to bring him cookies or something.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Sydney's Birth Story

I actually started writing this on March 10th - four days after she was born. I didn't want to forget anything, but of course I did. Thankfully, our doula also wrote her version of the birth story so that gave me more details. It's really long but I wanted to include as much detail as I could manage so we'd always have it.
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Sydney's Birth Story

Sydney’s due date was March 2 and I had a doctor’s appointment that day. I was only about 2cm dilated and 60% effaced and my doctor was pretty insistent to schedule an induction for March 7. I really wanted to go to at least 41 weeks by myself (March 9th) so I called the office back to reschedule to the 9th. That meant another ultrasound and doctor appointment on the 7th , so I scheduled everything and prayed that she would come on her own.

On March 3rd, I started trying various methods of natural induction that I had read about as safe. On March 3rd (a Thursday), I walked around the mall for about an hour and then went to an acupuncture appointment. Most of the needles were inserted in my lower legs and feet with just a few in my hands. The appointment only lasted about 20 minutes but was extremely relaxing (I even fell asleep). The doctor said that something should happen that night or the next day. Friday, March 4th, I booked a massage for the morning and ended up with a massage therapist who had a lot of experience with labor inducing massage. She focused on my feet, lower legs, hands, and lower back with lots of trigger points all over. The massage was so relaxing and she said to come back on Monday if nothing happened over the weekend.

Well…it could have been a combination of everything I tried, but I lost my mucus plug on Friday night around 8-9pm. It was clear, but a large piece, so that gave me hope that something would happen in the next few days.

On Saturday, I woke up around 7 but stayed in bed until around 8. Around 8:15, I felt some mild contractions, and after five hit within the hour, I decided to get out of bed to see if they would continue. The contractions continued on a regular basis without much intensity, but I sort of figured labor was in the early stages.

James and I hung out all day while I texted our doula, Becky, and we let our parents and close friends know that things were happening. I lost another large part of the mucus plug (that had some bloody show); this really let me know this was it! We were both excited and used some of our nervous energy cleaning around the house, but then relaxed and watched movies. TheHangover was especially entertaining and laughing felt great. I used a contraction timer on my iPhone and lived most of that day in increments of minutes. My parents drove down from Pennsylvania and arrived around 7pm. By 9pm, my contractions were more intense and closer together, so we decided to head to the hospital.

We got to triage in L&D and they monitored the baby and me. She was looking great with a wonderful heart rate, but I was measuring only 2cm dilated (same as my appointment earlier that week) and my blood pressure was really high. I had readings like 181/93 and 157/97, so the nurse told me I would not be going home…which was fine with me!!

After being transferred to our new room (which, by the way, was huge and awesome), we all just hung out for a bit. Becky arrived in time for the doctor to check my progress. By 12:30am, I had progressed to 3cm and was 90% effaced which gave me some hope! The doctor was still concerned about my blood pressure and advised that we may have to decide on an epidural or magnesium to help bring it down. Becky, James, and I talked and all decided that the epidural would be the choice if I had to make one. By this time, the contractions were getting really intense and I had already been in labor for 17 hours, so I was beginning to doubt my plan of a natural labor. I put on some music and labored through a few painful contractions while listening to some of my favorite music: Zero 7, Sia, and Everything But the Girl.

A nurse came in later to check my progress (upon my request) and the examination had me in tears. It was soooo painful but thankfully Becky held my hand and helped me through it. We were all disappointed that despite even stronger contractions, I had only progressed to 4cm. At that point, I decided that I had had enough pain and really needed rest in order to push later, so I decided to have the epidural. I had been in labor for about 20 hours.

The anesthesiologist arrived pretty quickly and everyone helped talk me through what to expect as far as the local numbing agent and then of course the giant epidural needle. (I didn’t see the needle until after it was administered. Holy Crap!) The local was a little painful, but I’m sure not as much as the other (bigger!) needle. It was more uncomfortable than painful, but soon provided sweet relief. I was surprised that I could still feel and move my legs but thankfully could not feel any more contractions. We all decided to get some rest; my parents slept in the waiting room, Becky headed home, and James and I napped in the room. The IV bag emptied at one point and set off an alarm that woke both of us up, but we were able to get a few hours sleep anyway. I had to keep switching sides since whatever side I wasn’t laying on would decrease the effectiveness of the epidural.

The doctor checked me again around 7:30 or so and I was still only at 5cm dilated, which almost had me in tears. He decided that we should try pitocin in order to get the contractions closer together, especially since I had been in labor for almost 24 hours. At some point along the way, my water broke, but I wasn’t sure when. Most likely before I even got the epidural, but it was a slow leak. I think that put all of us a little bit more on edge since there was now a clock ticking.

My best friend Nichole arrived around 8:30am and I was so happy to see her. My blood pressure kept fluctuating so they changed the cuff to the other arm and it went back down. The doctor came in to check on me again around 10:30 and I was still only at 5cm, so he started talking about the possibility of a c-section. That was the word I did not want to hear, but I knew that I was not progressing well. He said he would give me two hours and if I wasn’t at 6cm by then, the c-section was the only answer. Unfortunately, we didn’t make it to two hours because the baby’s heart rate kept dropping during the now very intense contractions. I knew this was a possibility with pitocin, but the doctor also said that there could be other reasons she was going into a bit of distress each time. He stopped the pitocin in hopes that the baby would respond better during contractions, but after careful monitoring, he saw that she was not responding well even without the pitocin. The decision was made to do the c-section just a little while after 11am. Despite the c-section being the last thing I wanted, I didn’t allow myself to get upset or overly disappointed. I knew that I’d have a hard time recovering from feeling sorry for myself so I tried to stay positive and took a lot of comfort in the fact that we’d meet our daughter very soon!

The team that prepped me for surgery was great. I got more medication, James put on scrubs, and they told me what to expect. My dad gathered all of us together and prayed, which is when I nearly broke down, but I somehow managed to hold myself together. I was wheeled into the OR at 11:48am and the procedure began at 12:08pm. It was a very weird experience, but James stayed by my head and held my hand the whole time. He and I just stared at each other the whole time and barely spoke. I just kept praying for all of us to stay calm and that she would be safe. Once I heard her little cry, I started crying too. They held her briefly over the curtain so I could see her (she was all screams and flailing arms and legs) and then she was whisked off to the other side of the room for clean up and tests. James was called over and when they asked him if he’d like to cut the cord and he said yes, my tears started all over again. He was able to bring her over to me while they finished stitching me up and all I could do was touch her and stare. I couldn’t really move due to the medication so I just stared and cried at our baby. Our daughter.

James went with the nurses to the nursery for Sydney’s shots and bath while I was taken back to the room. His parents had arrived shortly after I was taken into surgery and I’m so happy that they were able to be there to see James with Sydney in the nursery. The medication (probably the morphine) made me really sleepy and out of it so it was easier for me to keep my eyes closed and just focus on taking each breath. My mouth was so dry so the nurse allowed Becky to give me some ice chips, which helped a lot. It didn’t take long before I started waking up a bit and feeling started to come back to my arms. Then all of a sudden there seemed to be a million people in the room. James brought Sydney in to see me and all I could see was my husband walking towards me with our brand new daughter. I couldn’t stop crying. I was still numb and a bit out of it, but it was such a great moment for our new family of three. The lactation consultant came by and tried to help with breastfeeding, but I was too woozy to really understand her or follow instructions. Then the nurse tried to help (baby opens mouth, shove your nipple in? no thank you!) and I should have just asked her to stop and asked for Becky to help me.

I was then wheeled into my new room, where we’d stay for the next three nights.

Next up: The first three days with our daughter (in the hospital). ☺

Friday, April 29, 2011

Blessed. Lucky. Thankful.

I'm watching the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy and I'm once again reminded of how blessed and lucky we are to have a healthy baby that was able to come right home from the hospital with us. I've had friends lose babies right before their birth, friends lose babies during birth, and friends lose babies after their birth. Friends' babies have had to stay in the NICU for weeks and months, friends' babies have been born months early but pulled through, friends' babies have ongoing medical problems that may or may not go away.

I have friends that can't get pregnant. Friends that get pregnant and lose the baby. I've been in both situations and both are devastating in different ways. I didn't know if I could get pregnant because nothing happened after years and years. But then I got pregnant, and like a sick joke, I lost the baby after knowing for only a week. It took me a long time to recover from that; in fact, I still think of how old he or she would be right now and how Sydney would have a big brother or sister.

One year and four months after the miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant again. Just months before starting fertility treatments. And I was terrified. Once you have a miscarriage, the whole 'innocence of pregnancy' is gone. You know a very bad thing can happen and while half of you refuses to believe it will happen again, the other half of you expects it to happen at any moment. You can't fully enjoy being pregnant because you are prepping yourself for the worst. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my pregnancy; in fact, I loved being pregnant. But for at least the first 6 months, some little part of me was always afraid of losing the baby.

Women who have babies with barely any effort are lucky. Women who never experience the pain of a miscarriage are lucky. Women who get pregnant - whether naturally or with help - are lucky. Those pregnancies are all amazing miracles no matter what.

A whole new set of worries are presented after the baby is born. Forget the whole "I didn't have the birth I wanted" crap that I was sad about before. We are so blessed that Sydney is healthy. That she's thriving. That neither of us have had any complications or issues. I know we are blessed and I thank God for her. Every. Single. Day. And yes, as dumb as it sounds, a show like Grey's Anatomy once again reminded me of all of this.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sydney's blog

I started a blog just for Sydney, one that is to her and about her. Blogger has a great mobile app so I can make small updates every day and not have to find the time to log into the computer and update this blog once every week or three. ;)

If you want to read her blog (my parents may be the only ones who are interested), you can find it here.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Six weeks!

For some reason, six weeks feels like a milestone. Maybe it's because a friend told James that the first six weeks are really tough but it's easier after that. Well, the first six weeks were no walk in the park, but I can honestly say that it was a little easier than we both expected. Don't get me wrong, because of the surgery recovery & post-partum hormones, the first week at home alone (which was week two) was realllly tough, but we managed to get through it just fine.

I think I'm going to need to update a little more often than every three weeks because my brain cannot remember everything for such a long period of time. It would make sense to note things as they happen, so I'll work on that this week. I also need to start updating her baby book so it's not a daunting task that I'll never finish.

Week Four:
My parents visited from PA for a long weekend. I always look forward to their visits and this was no exception. Seeing my parents hold my daughter is so amazing; I don't know how to completely explain the feelings. I noticed that Sydney had a thick white coating on her tongue so I made a ped appointment for her. My suspicion was confirmed when she was diagnosed with a mild case of thrush. The doctor gave her an RX for an oral medicine and I did a lot of research to see what I could do to help treat myself and prevent it from coming back. Despite my best efforts and diligence, I had to go to my doctor to be treated and get another RX for her diaper rash. The good news is we both have/had a mild case (we're in the clear now but still on the medicines) and are doing great.

I really need to switch our pediatrician which makes me kind of sad. I really like the doctors in the practice and their receptionist is one of the kindest women I've ever met. However, they don't have a separate waiting room for sick kids and it drives me crazy. When we visited for the thrush visit (for those of you who don't know, it's a yeast infection in the baby's mouth and only contagious if some other kid sucked on her pacifier or something), there were three super sick kids in there. All of them had hacking coughs, and I overheard the mom tell the receptionist that her two had fevers. Another one was coughing and crying in an exam room. I asked to be moved into another room since Sydney wasn't even five weeks old. A friend recommended his daughter's pediatrician so I need to make that call this week.

James surprised me with a gorgeous aquamarine and white gold eternity band. I knew that he was buying me some sort of ring since he asked my ring size, but I had no idea what he picked out. It turns out that he selected the very ring that I had admired on Blue Nile's site when I was looking for aquamarine earrings. It's delicate and beautiful and perfect. I love it.

Week Five:
Week five was one of the best yet. Sydney really started cooing and making lots of new sounds. She smiles at the toys on her activity mat and on her car seat, makes noises at the lights and turtles on her swing, and waves her arms and kicks her legs A LOT more. She really starts flailing her arms and legs when she's mad and kicks like crazy when she's on her mat. She has been having a lot more awake time during the day but sleeping great at night. We had a house full of guests yesterday when James' parents and four of his aunts came to visit. His aunts showered Sydney with some of the cutest baby clothes (including two insanely adorable party dresses!) and we had a really nice time. J and I were both exhausted by the end of the day, and apparently, so was Sydney. She conked out at 7:30 and didn't wake up again until almost 1am. :)

I always wanted a tattoo to honor/commemorate/whatever the birth of my child, so I went for it this week. I originally wanted her birth date but ended up with a small fancy S on my inner right wrist. I'll post a picture of it once it has totally healed.

Week Six:
I guess this is officially the start of Week Six, right? It was a gorgeous spring day outside, so Sydney and I took a short walk around the neighborhood to get some fresh air. While Sydney napped and nursed, I read a book called Two Kisses for Maddy, which is one of the most devastating and inspiring books I've ever read. It makes me want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. It shows that life is fragile and we never know what the next moment will hold. It makes me appreciate my husband and daughter more than ever. You should read it.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Three weeks in and we're still alive!

Sydney turned three weeks old yesterday and I can't believe how fast the time has gone by. I've been terrible about blogging about anything (just some tweets here and there) but gave me a little kick in the pants and reminded me to start!

Week One:

I had a cesarean section, so the first week is a bit of a blur. I was in the hospital from Saturday-Wednesday so those days were pretty easy since the nurses did almost everything for us. My parents stayed until Saturday and my in-laws stayed until Sunday, so we weren't alone with a new baby until she was a week old. Having our parents with us was a huge help since I couldn't get up and about very much, but I will say that it was sort of nice to have our house to ourselves and settle in to our little family of three. Sydney had her first pediatrician appointment the day after we were discharged so the doctor could check her weight. She lost 10% of weight in the hospital (7lbs 9 oz to 6lbs 13 oz) so the nurses had us all freaked out that something was wrong. The pediatrician reassured us that it was totally normal and there was no need to worry since she was already back up to 7lbs 5 oz. 

Week Two: 

The second week was a bit painful for us both since I couldn't really do anything and poor James had to do all kinds of little things for me (refill my water bottle, get us food, etc). He was (is!) such a trooper and didn't complain once. The highlight of the week was my follow up doctor appointment for a blood pressure and incision check; blood pressure was still a bit high but everything else was fine. Sydney slept the whole time which was so awesome! We tried to take a walk around the block that week and while I made it, I was struggling at the end. It was too soon after the surgery so I decided to give myself a few more days before trying it again. 

The post-partum hormones really started to kick my butt in week 2. I had a couple of breakdowns during week 1, but not nearly as bad as week 2. I just had overwhelming sadness - mostly starting in the early evening - and anything could turn me into a sobbing mess. Thankfully, a dear friend checked on me often and let me know that I was not alone. She really got me through those days when I felt like I was alone and I hope that I can be there for my mommy girlfriends like she was for me. I also really struggled with the fact that I had planned for a completely natural birth but ended up with a c-section. It was one of the last things I wanted to happen, but I know that a healthy baby is more than some people get, so I am SO THANKFUL and blessed. I think that the pp hormones really messed with my head as well and made it seem worse than it was! A friend posted a link to a blog post about c-sections which also really helped me get through that little bump in the road. It's funny how sometimes, what you need to read or see or hear is put right in front of you at just the right time.

I had my first solo outing with Sydney (follow up dr appt for me) and she did really well. I had to feed her while at the doctors' office, but just asked for somewhere to nurse. I was put on bp medicine. ugh.

We also went on our first visit to see friends that weekend which was so nice! We just hung out and talked and appreciated getting out of the house for a while. 

I hired a lactation consultant to help me with breastfeeding since I had no idea if I was doing anything the right way. She was obviously eating okay since she gained weight, but I didn't know much else. The LC helped me with positions which immediately eased the pain on my back and wrist.  She also assured me that everything else was going well as far as supply and her latch, so that was a huge relief. Her fee was worth the comfort and peace of mind and was some of the best money I've spent since the baby has arrived!

Sydney also had her first trip to the Emergency Room that week. :( Her stomach was very distended and it really freaked us out. We knew we wouldn't really sleep with the fear of something happening to her, so we took her to the local ER. Seven hours later, we learned it was just gas. She slept almost the whole time and wasn't phased at all. James and I were both really sleep deprived by the time we got home, but we made up for it later and took turns napping. A friend told me "we've all made the ER fart trip!" so that made me feel a bit better.

Week Three:

We really got out of the house a lot! We made trips to Target, Costco, more doctor and ped appts, dinner, lunch, friends' houses, etc. Sydney sleeps through almost everything. We did a newborn photo shoot with a great photographer in our area and are really excited to see the proofs. We've had a few more visitors and she steals the hearts of everyone she meets. <3 

We made the decision to move her to the nursery this week in preparation for James going back to work next week. The baby handled it much better than I did...I cried a bit at first, but have really slept much better since she's been in her own room because babies are LOUD. They grunt and fart and snort and squeak and I'm sure our noises didn't help her sleep better either.  She seems to have a longer stretch of sleep first which is anywhere from 3-5 hours, and then two shorter stretches of 2-3 hours. I haven't felt really sleep deprived since the ER visit and appreciate that she is a very good sleeper! 

I'm sure I'm forgetting some things so I'll add more if I remember, but that's what has been happening with us. Having a baby is more wonderful than I could have imagined and love more than I ever thought possible!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Due Date - 40 weeks!

Well...today is the big day! The day that she's SUPPOSED to come. However, most people know a due date is an estimate and there are no guarantees so we're just waiting....and waiting....and waiting. Or at least that's what it feels like!

I have a doctor's appointment today at 2pm so I'm hoping for a little progress and a 'what happens next' discussion with the doctor.

Now I really understand why people say the last few weeks are so tough. The pelvic pain and pressure is much worse, walking to the kitchen almost requires a nap, and it's difficult to do anything in a speed other than SLOWWWWWW. Add extreme anticipation to all of that - and everyone and their brother asking how you feel and if baby has come yet - and it's just a big mixed bag of crazy! I've loved being pregnant but I can't wait for our daughter to be in our arms!

Fingers are crossed that our little girl wants to come meet everyone soon. :)